Yesterday I was driving home from a night of worship, when I found myself behind a white, lifted pick-up truck. I immediately noticed the license plate, which read “NVRENUF.”
“What a tragedy,” I thought. “This person doesn’t know enough.” I pondered why someone would make that their license plate. What is it that’s never enough for them? Do they never have enough thrills? Never enough pleasure? Never enough money? Do they believe that they are never enough?
Seeing that license plate broke my heart, because I started thinking about how much the world tells so many of us “You are never enough.” This is something I struggle with, along with so many others.
This past week has been so difficult for me. The Lord is doing things in my life that hurt. He’s doing things that I don’t understand or like at all. He keeps telling me “I know what’s best. I am doing this for you. I am with you.” But still, what he’s doing has left me heartbroken.
Since Papa has taken me to this place, it’s amazing how quickly the enemy has taken advantage and tried to push lies into my head.
“You could be better. You don’t look like Jesus. You weren’t enough. You’ll never be enough. YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!!!”
These things are what the enemy keeps trying to tell me. But you know what? I don’t believe them. You know why? Because I know what my Papa feels about me.
He loves me. He cares about me. He thinks I’m special, and he wants the very best for me. He says I am enough.
And do you know how I know that? Because he sits with me in my pain. He sits with me in my tears, and he grieves with me. He isn’t scared by my brokenness. He walks with me through it, and then uses it for my good.
You see, I used to think all God wanted to do was cover up my pain. I thought he wanted me to rejoice in all circumstances and never to fear or be discouraged. I thought I wasn’t allowed to feel pain or sadness because that meant I wasn’t focusing on Jesus.
I was wrong. (And if you believe that, you’re wrong too. You should talk to Jesus about it.)
It wasn’t until I allowed myself to just be, that he started telling me who I am. It wasn’t until i stopped declaring “truth” to cover up pain that i got to really be with the one who is the Truth. It wasn’t until i started allowing myself to sit in the hard things that I realized he was sitting right there with me.
Does it always feel good? No. Do i know he is with me? Yes, always. Do I believe the lies about my identity? Absolutely not.
I KNOW that I am enough, because I know what my Papa says. I know what my Papa feels. And he loves me enough to use both the good and the bad, both the joy and the pain, to take me ever deeper into his heart.
Praise him. I love him.
